Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We don't watch enough power rangers
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
