can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
