with your own penis?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
