How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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