just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
