Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
