it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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