That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
