im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
