I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
