I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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