well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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