did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
