i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
