My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
