you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
