I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
