remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
