would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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