I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tell her she can't have a vagina
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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