just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
