"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
