That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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