Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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