Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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