We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
