I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
