I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
