I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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