My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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