the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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