you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
