Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
