Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can text with my tongue
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Rumble strips road head = magical
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
