I think my vagina is haunted
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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