i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
