i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i drank out of a bidet.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
