I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
