My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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