we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
