Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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