I look better un-naked...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
