i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
