i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
