So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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