Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
