I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am spending my child support on dildos
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
