fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
