I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
