ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
