either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
