is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
