would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
