just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
