he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
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I feel like everything in this room is sweating
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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