There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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