i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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