My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
