; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
