Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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