Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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