508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
