Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
