I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
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dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
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oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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