Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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