we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
